Here is what I try to keep in mind to maintain resilience and positivity. This is what I strive for, though I often fall short!

1) Set priorities: What are the top things that need to get done today? What are the things that if I didn’t get them done today, then I would be upset about them at the end of the day? I have to remind myself I can’t get to everything today. Often times things are important, but they don’t need to be done today, and I will put it on the calendar for an assigned time.

2) The basics. Eat. Sleep. Exercise

a. Eat: When I eat clean, I feel better and can function better. I tend to have a sweet tooth, though when I eat a lot of sweets, the sugar tends to bring on headaches, which then lends to me being cranky and it is harder to function.

b. Sleep: I need a good amount of sleep (like, more than 7 hours), though I have struggled with insomnia for years. Getting enough sleep is a top priority for me.

c. Exercise: I love to go to CrossFit and lift heavy weights. When I am lifting I feel strong and powerful.

3) Be kind to myself. Sometimes it helps to give myself a minute (or more than a minute when I can). Maybe it is simple as staring off into space, or going for a quick walk, or coloring a picture.

4) Speaking kindly to myself. My internal monologue frequently starts with (me talking to myself): “You idiot!...” Instead, I try to speak to myself by saying “I’m human. I’m trying.”

5) Listen to a meditation. There are so many meditations available with varying themes. Sleep. Focus. Gratitude, just to name a few.

6) Podcasts. For me it is helpful to listen to situations that are bad / worse than mine, and how that person bounced back. Sometimes I listen to ones about how innovators / businesses got started. I identify with hearing about other people’s struggles. Even when they have nothing to do with me, it feels validating and like I am not the only one to struggle. For example, hearing about companies on the verge of collapse and how they bounced back.

7) Support from like-minded people. I try to seek advice from others who are or have been in a similar spot.

8) Chats with friends

9) Finding a good therapist: I’m looking at you, NFRC!

10) Have fun when I can.

11) Walking my dog while listening to a podcast.

12) Journal: it helps to sort out my thoughts / stop them from swirling.

13) Gratitude: Sometimes it is so hard to find gratitude in all situations. But stopping to reflect on what you are grateful for is so important and helps give perspective. I am grateful for my health, my children’s health. I am grateful for my house. Food to eat. Healthy food to feed my children.

There is no “right” time to introduce a significant other. In my case, there was not really a true introduction because I knew my (now) significant other through a mutual friend, so my kids had very briefly met him before. And when we planned to have him spend more time with them for the first time, both he and I felt it was important to keep it brief, casual, and child-focused and to get together on neutral territory.

From the beginning he and I established that each of our sets of kids come first. At that point, he and I were spending a good amount of time together and we were exclusive, but I knew I could not be very serious about someone unless he and my kids got along well. He and I agreed there would be no pressure on the kids to spend time with him / mind their manners / wear their “Sunday best”, etc.

We decided to meet in a local park for a short walk together. The kids and I get together with other people quite frequently, so getting together with my significant other did not seem like anything out of the ordinary to the kids. We took a short walk together, along with my dog. During our walk, we passed a playground and the kids asked if they could play. I agreed and as we got closer, the sign at the entrance to the playground said “No dogs.” The kids turned to me and asked if I could stay with our dog so that my significant other could push them on the swings. After the playground, they asked if my significant other could come to our house for dinner.

That first real time between my significant other and my kids has set the tone for their relationship together. I support their relationship, but I do not dictate it, just as that first day I did not force them to play on the playground with him or force us to all have dinner together. Now, five years later, we include my significant other in many of our activities. The kids also share their own interests with him. For example, my son had a school project that was related to my significant other’s career, so my son asked if the two of them could do the project together. My kids consider him as a part of the family. The kids and I have a lot of time together, just us, and other times when my significant other is with us, he adds so much positivity and fun to our dynamic.